On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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