Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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