Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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