and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
