she smelled like a LAN party
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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