he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
