The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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