My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
