just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
