Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
