i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
