Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
