Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
