the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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