In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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