My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
