I need help removing her.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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