I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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