Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
