shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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