i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
