Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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