After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
