Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
