I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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