Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
