he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
