every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
