This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
