What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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