last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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