i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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