Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
