so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
