Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
