Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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