I wish I could punch you in the face.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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