My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
