I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
