Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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