This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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