I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
