Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
