he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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