I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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