Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
