So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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