That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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