apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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