The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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