Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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